Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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