hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
