My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
