He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
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I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
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I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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