i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
