i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I would ride that face into the sunset
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