I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
