White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
