So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
