I love black thongs
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
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last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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