I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
