Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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