U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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