Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.

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(832): I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy. http://tfl.nu/4nt5

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(330): View more from Ohio

This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?

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(330): This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM? http://tfl.nu/jjdh

Replies (23) Good night (4818) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
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(813): View more from Florida

I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.

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(813): I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me. http://tfl.nu/z6eo

Replies (36) Good night (19468) Bad night (1412)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.

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(+44): Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism. http://tfl.nu/zz0f

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(716): View more from New York

i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.

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(716): i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents. http://tfl.nu/knds

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(973): View more from New Jersey

St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)

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(973): St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition) http://tfl.nu/fbpq

Replies (3) Good night (1482) Bad night (388)
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(916): View more from California

the gays at disneyland are vicious

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(916): the gays at disneyland are vicious http://tfl.nu/i9ir

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(519): View more from Ontario

All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.

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(519): All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am. http://tfl.nu/roar

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(289): View more from Ontario

This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.

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(289): This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break. http://tfl.nu/v46r

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(815): View more from Illinois

THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES

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(815): THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES http://tfl.nu/zxql

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(801): View more from Utah

How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?

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(801): How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service? http://tfl.nu/0xho

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.

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(412): My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey. http://tfl.nu/rdvv

Replies (3) Good night (920) Bad night (313)
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(760): View more from California

Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver

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(760): Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver http://tfl.nu/ovu0

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me

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(732): I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me http://tfl.nu/tpku

Replies (3) Good night (885) Bad night (251) Order T-Shirt
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(817): View more from Texas

I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.

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(817): I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita. http://tfl.nu/fdg7

Replies (3) Good night (507) Bad night (155) Order T-Shirt

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