so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
