Come see our sink grown plant.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work