You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.