if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get