I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
