i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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