i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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