i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i dont even know how to be here
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
