I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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