Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I need to calm my uterus...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
