I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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