you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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