Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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