you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
