I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
