Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
