dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
