the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
