he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
