we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
