Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
