apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
