i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
