Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize