It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
