I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
