he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
