Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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