Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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