Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
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She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
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We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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