I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
