Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
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mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
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You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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