life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
