I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I could fuck to npr.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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