Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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