I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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