we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
