I accidentally burped into my bong.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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