Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
