I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
