she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
