The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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