I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
