ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
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They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize