Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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