Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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