We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
