So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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