i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize