so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Dicks are not precious.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
