um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
