i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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