they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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