Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i need an iv and a liver transplant
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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