Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
